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A Foundation for Support

“If a flower doesn’t bloom, you change the environment in which it lives, not the flower.” – Alexander Den Heijer

We know that no single learning approach or model works for everyone. No silver bullet fits or meets the needs of each of our uniqueness. This understanding of diversity within the learning process is a unifying concept that, when implemented, can provide learners with a platform for success. If we all need something a little bit different, then through a reductionist view it could be said that we all need essentially the same thing – we need autonomy and support so that we can explore what we as a unique individual need, what we are drawn to, what we connect with, what we aim to pursue, and what we aim to practice.

Therefore, if these aspects of our learning are defined for us and demanded from individuals outside of us, we may miss out on opportunities for cultivating essential learning foundations that are necessary for our current and future growth. If individuals outside of us are constantly the ones to create and define our pursuits/activities/responsibilities, when we finally have the opportunity to decide and choose for ourselves, what will we choose? What will we decide? What we will consider and how will we engage our environment? If we find ourselves in this state of decision-making, and we are unsure of how to answer these questions or we are unwilling to even explore these questions (perhaps because we haven’t had enough opportunities to practice), we may end up relying on our habituations, which may or may not necessarily be a recipe for individual or community expansion. Some of the habits we engage are incredibly serving. Some are less serving. And some are hardly serving, if at all. Platforms upon which to reflect and think critically about these concepts so that we can develop our own understanding can be vital for setting intentions and engaging conscious action – both of which are critical in our pursuit of learning.

Because we can benefit from having opportunities to explore our own choices, as well as receive support in reflecting on our experience, we can build learning environments that foster these practices. We can navigate interactions, materials, and environments built on an approach of supportive exploration, rather than on an approach that tells individuals what to think or what to do. Behavioral compliance of students is the opposite goal of learning because it fails to further ideas; it fails to innovate; it fails to support our unique needs and interests. It is worth noting here that consent is different than compliance. Compliance denotes a sense of passivity or submission, whereas consent represents active participation and engagement. In the learning environment, there can be major value in being able to receive an individual’s consent for being challenged outside of their comfort zone.

As we move through our lives and engage in various learning opportunities, we may experience a plethora of learning processes or approaches. We might be drawn to highly specialized pursuits; we might seek out diverse experiences and content; we might desire explicit direct instruction; we might crave independent exploration. We may ebb and flow between any and all of these methods, and they may change hourly, daily, monthly, etc.

If we look at this in the context of primary and secondary learning, we see that learning thrives with the collaboration of three integral individuals/groups: the learner, the facilitators, and the family. Visually, we can represent these three individuals/groups and their relationship within the learning process like so:

The learner is at the top of the triangle. They drive the learning process. They are the biggest influencer of pace, content, interaction, etc. Serving as the base, supporting the learner, is the family and the facilitators. These individuals serve as entities that support the learning process that is directed by the learner. They provide opportunity; they provide support; they provide challenge (when and were it is sustainable); they offer exposure to new material and ideas; they facilitate dialogue that aims to support intention setting, reflection, and critical thinking; they help cultivate relationships that promote collaboration and active engagement in one’s own life.

One can imagine turning this triangle so that either the family or the facilitators sit at the top, instead of the learner. Taking this view, how might this change the learning experience for the learner? How might this change the way in which the learning environment functions?

If our intention in education is to support the whole-person growth of learners, what better way than to allow the learner to drive the process?

 

- Zach Morris

After School Musing

As a facilitator, I am constantly observing the interactions between individuals, gauging whether each individual’s expressions are communicating interest, engagement, frustration, joy, fear, etc. As an observer, when I see individuals unable to access understanding, harmony, or compassion, I desire to step in and offer my support. I would guess that many parents, teachers, and mentors have shared this desire.

In moments such as this, I have experienced the following:

In serving as a facilitator, when I step into what I perceive is a conflict happening between individuals, and when I ask the question, ‘who is getting their needs met within this interaction?’ individuals are often able to answer (either verbally or nonverbally).

If when I ask this, there is no individual within the interaction getting their needs met (which in my experience is typically the case during moments of conflict), people usually express a willingness to engage a conversation in conflict resolution.

If there is someone whose needs are being met, and if I ask that person if they are willing to hear about the experience and unmet needs of others within the interaction, and if that person says ‘no’, I can ask the other individuals outside of that person if they are willing to continue trying to interact with that person in this moment. When I ask these questions, and when individuals are able to reflect on them, possible courses of action or opportunities for reconciliation (either independently or collaboratively) seem to become possible within the minds of those experiencing the conflict.

-  Zach Morris

Learner Autonomy

At LEARN Inc. we really value learner autonomy. It's a foundation from which we build all of our opportunities and practices. In the TEDx talk below, Jon Stolk discusses the ways in which we can cultivate environments and interactions that foster individual choice, trust, and engagement. Like Jon, we are passionate about offering students a platform that facilitates self-direction, collaboration, and reflection, and we too see the benefits of this support.

Explorations in Worldview

Recently, we have been exploring the idea of 'worldviews' using resources from the Institute of Noetic Sciences (IONS). We are finding value in this exploration because it is offering us opportunities to reflect on the complexities of what it means to be human within the social and ecological structures of our world. Our navigation is leading us to consider our current ways of thinking, as well as uncover what contributes to our thinking. We are attempting to widen our perspective, see the perspectives of others, and use the information we glean to inform our intentions as stewards and global citizens . That's a lot to consider!

Here's how IONS introduces their Worldview Explorations curriculum:

 

In some of our activities and discussions, have been using the IONS Worldview Explorations Conversation Cards. We just love the discourse that these are fostering!

 

 

References

Petersen, K., Schlitz, M. & Vieten C. (2012). Worldview explorations: Facilitator guide. California: Institute of Noetic Sciences.

Offering Feedback

Offering and receiving feedback is an integral part of communication, and it can contribute to life-serving interactions for all involved. Although feedback can sometimes be challenging to engage (both as the speaker and the listener), we can use compassionate communication strategies to support our needs, identify our requests, and strengthen our relationships.

Here's a video from the NVC Academy that further explains how we can offer feedback so that it might contribute to the wonderfulness of our life, as well as result in connection and understanding.

When We Need Empathy

There are times when what we need, above all else, is empathy. Sometimes, when we seek support from others to try and meet this need, it can be so clear to the other person what is contributing to our experience that they may offer advice or suggestions in hopes that it will help. It can be so apparent and so observable to the person outside of us, that they may think with just a little advice, we of course will be able to see and implement the logical solution they have described for understanding/solving our conflict - through the information they have offered we will be able to experience the world in the way that we hope.

In light of this, as many of us have experienced before, our need for empathy is rarely met through hearing advice or listening to others' problem-solving ideas. Sometimes the interaction we are looking for the most is for someone to 'be with' us in our experience - to listen to and to honor our experience as valid, regardless of what it looks like or sounds like in the moment through the lens of another. Here's a video that illuminates our need for empathy, and the ways in which these interactions can occur.

It's Not About the Nail from Jason Headley on Vimeo.

The Rational Decision-Maker, The Instant Gratification Monkey, and The Panic Monster

This TedTalk is entitled "Inside the Mind of a Master Procrastinator". Some of the students recently connected with the experiences that Tim Urban describes. What do you think? Are you familiar with the Panic Monster? Are you working on areas of your lifescape that don't have a deadline? How do you hold yourself accountable and stay motivated and disciplined?

A Poem For People on This Wednesday

Expressing Feelings and Needs

Communicating compassionately can be integral in cultivating authentic, strong relationships. It can help us provide supportive platforms for fostering understanding, growth, and collaboration. Integral within this practice is the use of feelings and needs words to help communicate experience effectively, so that others may be able to connect with what we are saying. As we may not always be equipped with the language to directly express how we are feeling or what we are needing, here are a couple of resources from the Center for Non-Violent Communication to aid in the process.

Feelings Inventory

Needs Inventory

Our feelings are caused by what we observe, not by what others do. Although someone outside of us may do something for us to observe, they are not responsible for making us feel a certain emotion. We experience emotions based on what we observe and what we tell ourselves about the observation.

Additionally, our needs are not at the mercy of being fulfilled by someone outside of us doing something specific. Although individuals may be able to contribute to our meeting of our needs, their actions are not the only course for our needs being met. Needs can be met in many ways, and they do not require a specific individual to engage a specific action. This is the difference between requests and demands.

For a crash course in Non-Violent Communication as explained by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg (which covers the above topics and many others), you can view this comprehensive video: NVC Basics

Interactive Weather Map

We are fascinated with this interactive weather map from Windy.com. Observe the current status of Earth's winds, clouds, precipitation, waves, and pressure systems. We hope you enjoy as much as we do.

Relationships for Growth

The following is a view into Dr. Carl Rogers’ examination of the components involved in creating relationships that foster growth and self-actualization in another. Rogers’ words are denoted by italicized text, and are taken from his book On Becoming a Person.

Rogers’ research and discussion on growth relationships is valuable for both educational and parenting paradigms alike. It demonstrates that intentions grounded in support of self-discovery and the development of mature, compassionate world-views can result in valuable personal expansion. It shows approaches that teachers, facilitators, parents, and mentors can use to create supportive environments that foster active participation in one’s own unfolding. Rogers recognizes that supporting the personal development of others thrives when the following idea is integrated: humans need relationships that honor autonomy and value genuine interaction.

From this platform individuals can cultivate authentic expression and meet their need for understanding, which is essential for feeling freedom to navigate the complexities of internal and external relationships. It is within these relationships with the self and with others in which growth and learning flourishes.

Rogers expresses the following…

“If I can provide a certain type of relationship, the other person will discover within himself the capacity to use that relationship for growth and change, and personal development will occur” (33).

He continues at length…

“I have found that the more that I can be genuine in the relationship, the more helpful it will be. This means that I need to be aware of my own feelings, in so far as possible, rather than presenting an outward façade of one attitude, while actually holding another attitude at a deeper or unconscious level. Being genuine also involves the willingness to be and to express, in my own words and my behavior, the various feelings and attitudes which exist in me. It is only in this way that the relationship can have reality, and reality seems deeply important as a first condition. It is only by providing the genuine reality which is in me, that the other person can successfully seek for the reality in him. I have found this to be true even when the attitudes I feel are not attitudes with which I am pleased, or attitudes which seem conducive to a good relationship. It seems extremely important to be real.

As a second condition, I find that the more acceptance and liking I feel toward this individual, the more I will be creating a relationship which he can use. By acceptance I mean a warm regard for him as a person of unconditional self-worth – of value no matter what his condition, his behavior, or his feelings. It means a respect and liking for him as a separate person, a willingness for him to possess his own feelings in his own way. It means an acceptance of and regard for his attitudes of the moment, no matter how negative or positive, no matter how much they may contradict other attitudes he has held in the past. This acceptance of each fluctuating aspect of this other person makes it for him a relationship of warmth and safety, and the safety of being liked and prized as a person seems a highly important element in a helping relationship.

I also find that the relationship is significant to the extent that I feel a continuing desire to understand – a sensitive empathy with each of the client’s feelings and communications as they seem to him at that moment. Acceptance does not mean much until it involves understanding. It is only as I understand the feelings and thoughts which seem so horrible to you, or so weak, or so sentimental, or so bizarre – it is only as I see them as you see them, and accept them and you, that you feel really free to explore all the hidden nooks and frightening crannies of your inner and often buried experience. This freedom is an important condition of the relationship. There is implied here a freedom to explore oneself at both conscious and unconscious levels, as rapidly as one can dare to embark on this dangerous quest. There is also a complete freedom from any type of moral or diagnostic evaluation, since all such evaluations are, I believe, always threatening.

Thus the relationship which I have found helpful is characterized by a sort of transparency on my part, in which my real feelings are evident; by an acceptance of this other person as a separate person with value in his own right; and by a deep empathic understanding which enables me to see his private world through his eyes. When these conditions are achieved, I become a companion to my client, accompanying him in the frightening search for himself, which he now feels free to undertake.

I am by no means always able to achieve this kind of relationship with another, and sometimes, even when I feel I have achieved it in myself, he may be too frightened to perceive what is being offered to him. But I would say when I hold in myself the kind of attitudes I have described, and when the other person can to some degree experience these attitudes, then I believe that change and constructive personal development will invariably occur – and I included the word ‘invariably’ only after long and careful consideration” (33-35).

As humans we strive to be our best selves. Our manifestations may not match up with this underlying intention due to emotional regulation, pathology, habituation, etc. – yet our needs for competence, effectiveness, and purpose, our needs for acceptance, belonging, and harmony, remain present in the foundation of our being regardless of how serving our actions are or are perceived.

Therefore, in exploring and navigating our inefficiencies and the depths of our ‘shadow selves’, it is valuable for us to know the safety of support that can be found within a relationship built on compassion, autonomy, and authenticity.

Rogers continues at length further…

“Gradually my experience has forced me to conclude that the individual has within himself the capacity and the tendency, latent if not evident, to move forward toward maturity. In a suitable psychological climate this tendency is released, and becomes actual rather than potential. It is evident in the capacity of the individual to understand those aspects of his life and of himself which are causing him pain and dissatisfaction, and understanding which probes beneath his conscious knowledge of himself into those experiences which he has hidden from himself because of their threatening nature. It shows itself in the tendency to reorganize his personality and his relationship to life in ways which are regarded as more mature. Whether one calls it growth tendency, a drive toward self-actualization, or a forward-moving directional tendency, it is the mainspring of life…. It is the urge which is evident in all organic and human life – to expand, extend, become autonomous, develop, mature – the tendency to express and activate all the capacities of the organism, to the extent that such activation enhances the organism or the self. This tendency may become deeply buried under layer after layer of encrusted psychological defenses; it may be hidden behind elaborate facades which deny its existence; but it is my belief that it exists in every individual, and awaits only the proper conditions to be released and expressed” (35).

What does this ‘mainspring of life’ result in when we are provided the platform described above? How does the expression and activation of our capacities and contributions result in life-serving experience?

Rogers goes on to describe the outcomes as follows…

“It is my hypothesis that in such a relationship the individual will reorganize himself at both the conscious and deeper levels of his personality in such a manner as to cope with life more constructively, more intelligently, and in a more socialized as well as more satisfying way.

Here I can depart from speculation and bring in the steadily increasing body of solid research knowledge which is accumulating. We know now that individuals who live in such a relationship even for a relatively limited number of hours show profound and significant changes in personality, attitudes, and behavior, changes that do not occur in matched control groups. In such a relationship the individual becomes more integrated, more effective… He changes his perception of himself, becoming more realistic in his views of self. He becomes more like the person he wishes to be. He values himself more highly. He is more self-confident and self-directing. He has a better understanding of himself, becomes more open to his experience, denies or represses less of his experiences. He becomes more accepting in his attitudes toward others, seeing others as more similar to himself.

In his behavior he shows similar changes. He is less frustrated by stress, and recovers from stress more quickly. He becomes more mature in his everyday behavior as this is observed by friends. He is less defensive, more adaptive, more able to meet situations creatively” (36).

It is in reflection that we are better able to see the details of a system (a system being any sort of organized structure). As we better understand the system of our being, we cultivate increased understandings and skills that lead to self-direction. We become more confident in our own experiences, more able to honor how we feel, what we need, and what action we can take to experience the world in the way that we envision.

Rogers concludes…

“There seems every reason to suppose that the therapeutic relationship is only one instance of interpersonal relations, and that the same lawfulness governs all such relationships. Thus it seems reasonable to hypothesize that if the parent creates with his child a psychological climate such as we have described, then the child will become more self-directing, socialized, and mature. To the extent that the teacher creates such a relationship with his class, the student will become a self-initiated learner, more original, more self-disciplined, less anxious and other directed. If the administrator, or military or industrial leader, creates such a climate within his organization, then his staff will become more self-responsible, more creative, better able to adapt to new problems, more basically cooperative” (37).

As Rogers notes, relationships for growth support self-discovery, and these relationships can be cultivated in many domains. We can create support systems that allow individuals to explore the complexities of their lifescape, and to engage in increasingly more life-serving experiences. From home, to school, to the professional world, we can engage relationship practices that foster autonomy, lead to shared understanding, and support personal expansion.

Thank you Dr. Rogers.

 

 

Reference

Rogers, C. (1961). On becoming a person: A therapist’s view of psychotherapy. New York, New York: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company.

A Podcast on LEARN Inc. and Educational Intention

Listen to LEARN Inc.'s Executive Director, Zach Morris, talk with Debbie Reber, founder and host of the Tilt Parenting Podcast, about the mission and philosophy behind the cultivation of whole-person learning opportunities. Zach describes a compassionate lens for approaching education that offers individuals a platform to actively engage in their own unfolding.

Episode 73: Whole-Person Learning and Neurodiverse Students

Another View of Empathy

Here's another view into what empathy is by looking at what it isn't. Dr. Marshall Rosenberg discusses the complexities of offering support to the people outside of us by differentiating between 'intellectual understanding' and 'empathy'.